decisions
38 Ways to Say No (and Still Preserve the Relationship)
1. I’m not available then, but could be available on (insert date)
Would that date work?
2. Oh, I will be so disappointed to miss this!
3. While I would love to do that for you, [insert type of priorities] preclude it. I hope you understand.
4. I am so flattered that you asked but unfortunately cannot do that. Can I help you brainstorm someone who might be available?
5. Normally, I would say yes, but I have already committed to ________ at the same time.
6. Right now, I am saying no to all invitations (on this topic, at this timeframe, etc.).
7. I need to decline, but warmly request that you keep me in mind for future meetings/events. Would you please reach out again?
8. I try very hard not to make commitments I will likely need to cancel, and because of the timing here, I would likely need to cancel at the last minute, leaving you in a last-minute scramble to find someone else. Because of that, I will need to say no.
9. That sounds like a fantastic event/opportunity/cause, and I know that I will be sorry to miss it.
10. I cannot attend in person, but I wonder how I can help in some other way. Should we brainstorm ideas?
11. I don’t feel that this is the right fit for me. Can I share with you the kinds of project or priorities that DO feel like a good fit for you to know for down the road?
12. I am so grateful for the opportunity and for you thinking of me. However, I am in demand at the moment with appointments made months ago. I can also recommend x and y and z, who would be great
13. I can’t, but let me take a look at who might be available to fill in for me.
14. My schedule is completely booked for the next {insert timeframe}. Would you please reach back out after then?
15. I am so sorry to decline but I have a prior engagement. Here’s what I’d like to do, though: let me put a note in our files indicating that I needed to turn this request down so that next time, I can move your request to the front of the line.
16. Right now, I am only accepting requests related to X priority. Since this request seems to be about Y priority, let me put you in touch with someone who handles Y.
17. I have reached my [weekly/monthly/quarterly/annual] quota for [speaking engagements, consulting, meetings, panels, rallies, etc.]. Things should open up again by [insert month]. Please reach back out to me then.
18. I hate to admit this but I have already said yes to two events that day, and will need to cancel at least one of those. I don’t want to cancel two.
19. I have recently had some unexpected events come up and so I won’t be scheduling anything new at this time.
20. I will be out of town.
21. I don’t do X, as a rule.
22. I’m good at X, but not great at it. Let me suggest some people who are great at it.
23. It sounds like our budgets aren’t in the same ballpark. If you have flexibility, terrific. And if not, I completely understand and know that you’ll find someone great within your price-range.
24. I will need more information to make a decision. Can you please send me….?
25. I adore the cause, but simply can’t commit right now/I need to decline.
26. I don’t know and I don’t want to hold you up so feel free to ask someone else.
27. You’re so kind to think of me. Thank you. Sadly, I need to decline.
28. Not this time. When’s the next opportunity available for something like this?
29. If only I had a clone then I could be in two places at once!
30. I am heads-down on a project right now, and won’t be coming up for air for the next [insert timeframe].
31. When do you need to know by? I ask because if it’s in the next {week/month/quarter], I will need to say no.
32. Right now, I am only saying yes to very select opportunities that fall into [insert area of focus], and unfortunately this doesn’t meet the criteria.
33. I’m not available for that, but I know someone who is working on a common agenda/goal/objective. Let me connect you!
34. Others have made similar requests, and I have said no to all of those.
35. X is my top priority right now, so I am devoting all of my time to that.
36. With x # of this type of request coming in every month, I have had to limit the number of acceptances in order to make time for other business. I am at my limit.
37. I have committed to my clients that X would be my leading priority this year. For that reason, I will need to say no to this invitation in order to make good on my commitment.
38. Thank you so much, but no.
…and just for fun…
10 Things NOT to Say
1. You’re joking, right?
2. I have commitment issues.
3. This request is below my pay grade.
4. I wish I had the luxury of entertaining such a whimsical request.
5. What do I have to say to get you to understand that NO means NO?
6. I no longer commit to causes that make me feel like a hypocrite.
7. As if!
8. Sure, at half-past never.
9. Yuck!
10. N to the O.
The Most Important Sentence in Delegation
Decisions, Decisions!
I was on the phone with a coaching client today (we’ll call her Dee) who was struggling with an embarrassment of riches: she has so many opportunities available to her – both personally and professionally – that she feels overwhelmed by the decisions she needs to make. Love her or envy her (no, “hate her” is not an option — I am VERY protective of my clients!), but chances are you know her – or you’ve been her. How do we decide what to take on and what to pass on?
I asked Dee to think about a decision she had made recently that felt like a “no-brainer”. Her example was taking her daughter on a college interview with the Dean of the school. Despite the fact that she had made the decision without an awareness of a decision-making process, I asked her to think about the factors that made this decision an easy yes. Here’s what she came up with:
- Unique opportunity
- Important/Makes an impact
- Fun
- Timely
- Aligns with her values
- Manageable cost(s)
- Potentially large payoff(s)
Look at that! Even without knowing that she had a set of decision-making criteria, she was using it. Then, we took this list and tested it against several other decisions she had made — and some that were pending. The criteria worked, and we realized that we had one to add to it:
- Gut
That’s right. Dee often relied on an inner sense that yelled “yay” or “nay” to her when she had a choice to make. And interestingly, as soon as we named “gut” as a key decision-making factor for her, she reported that her stomach had been hurting her enough as of late that she had called the doctor. And while I am certainly an advocate for modern medicine, I do believe that our bodies give us powerfully useful information about what’s going on in our heads.
How about you? Think about a decision you have made recently that felt easy-breezy to you and see if you can back it up into a set of criteria you can use for future decisions that don’t feel as cut and dried.
And post your criteria here — I’d love to see how your head works!
To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com
Whose Brain Are You Using?
Last Friday, the kids and I went to a kindergarten graduation party (my kids were the “elderstatesmen” as first graders!). In addition to sno-cones, face-painting and goldfish give-aways (thanks a lot!!!), the kids had the opportunity to guess how many pieces of gum were in the Double Bubble container from Costco. Jacob guessed 200, and Sophie asked me to guess for her, so I said 150.
Well, lo and behold, Jacob won the entire tub, which had 250 pieces! Since we had come to the party on bikes, I had to strap the tub to the back of my bike with bungee cords. On our ride home, Sophie was bemoaning her rare loss of a contest. And while she didn’t blame me (exactly), she did proclaim: “I should have used my own brain!”
In coaching, I often ask my clients whose voices they hear when thinking about what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do. Many times, it’s the voice of a parent, a supervisor, a friend, a spouse, etc. — rather than their own — which makes the decision about how to progress a noisy one. We work to clear out the clutter of other people’s voices so that the client can hear their own thinking, loud and clear,
So in honor of Sophie, I ask you to think about this when facing your next set of “shoulds”: Whose brain are you using?
Deborah Grayson Riegel
www.myjewishcoach.com
