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    Goal setting

    Notes from a Strategic Planning Session

    Ah…back on the road again after being home for the entire month of October (thanks, Jewish holidays!)

    As I was facilitating a strategic planning session for a

    Leadership is about what you DO!

    “Leadership is action, not position.” — Donald H. McGannon, Former CEO, Westinghouse Broadcast Corporation

    Whether you are the board president, the rabbi, rosh yeshiva, CEO — or hold any title that makes people site up and take notice, remember what people really want and need from you — your commitment to roll up your sleeves and participate in a meaningful way.

    I believe that most of us have two fundamental needs, regardless of our role in the organization — the need to benefit and the need to contribute. In fact, when I teach sessions on running effective meetings, those are the two criteria for determining who should attend a meeting. If a meeting participant will neither benefit from nor contribute to a meeting, then give them back their time to do something more useful than sit in on a meeting! Trust me — he or she will thank you for it, and your meeting participants will appreciate a leaner, more focused meeting process.

    Those in Jewish organizational leadership positions often benefit from title, position, status, connections, and paycheck for those in paid positions (and yes, I see you — the one eye-rolling about the idea of benefiting from a Jewish organizational paycheck. But I won’t let you distract me!).

    Here’s the question: does your level of contribution — decisions made, problems solved, resources developed — meet or exceed the benefits you receive from your position? How would your lay or professional counterparts and direct reports answer that if asked about you?

    If you’re not sure, are you willing to ask? If you’re willing to ask, who will you start with? If you’re not willing, why?

    In the words of writer Elbert Hubbard, “Don’t make excuses. Make good.”

    What I Learned about Motivation on My Summer Vacation

    I’ve just returned from a two-week vacation in Israel, Jordan and Spain – and I am writing this email saddled with incredible jet lag, some squishy new love handles made from gelato, falafel and Manchego cheese, and many beautiful memories to last a lifetime.Deb_Jacob_Camels

    What made this trip so special for me? My sole travel companion was my 15-year-old son, Jacob.

    I knew that we would both enjoy sampling the local cuisines (luckily, gelato is always a local cuisine), taking history tours, shopping, swimming, and just wandering around. And I also knew that this trip would benefit from planning beyond flights, excursions, and lodging. It would require us to shift from a task focus (the what, where, when, and how of getting the trip off the ground) to a relationship focus (the who we were — separately and together – and why we were choosing to do this together.)

    Admittedly, it’s that kind of focus that busy, driven people who are motivated by getting things crossed off their to-do lists often neglect — and the costs of that neglect include the loss of connection, collaboration, ownership, engagement, and meaning.

    I didn’t want to look back on this trip and only be proud of what we did, where we went and how we got there. I wanted to look back on this trip and be proud of who we were and what we built together.

    Can you think of a partnership or team you work on (or live with) that could benefit from a little more of that?

    Here are 10 questions I asked my son and myself before our trip that you can bring to your next staff meeting, board meeting or Labor Day vacation.

    1. What’s our purpose for doing this?
    2. What could we do that would have each of us jump out of bed in the morning with excitement to get started?
    3. What would make each of us want to crawl back into bed and say, “I’ll pass”?
    4. What have we done in the past that we want to make sure we repeat?
    5. What have we done in the past that we want to make sure we don’t repeat?
    6. What do we each want to learn/get better at/get smarter about?
    7. How might we veto something that one of us really doesn’t like/doesn’t want to do?
    8. How should we let the other person know when we’re feeling stressed/sad/tired/overwhelmed/frustrated?
    9. How should we ask for personal time/space without it feeling “personal”?
    10. What would we want our sound bite about this [project/task/challenge/opportunity/trip] to be a month after? Six months after? A year after? 10 years after?

    Four Boundaries You Need to Set to Get Anything Accomplished

    During a year-end coaching call, I was thrilled to celebrate one particular client’s 2015 victories: a long-awaited promotion, carving out more quality time on weekends to spend with his family, and a new exercise habit.

    “Mazel tov!” I said to my client.

    “And how do you think you did on your goal of making time for planning in your new role?”

    He replied: “Yeah…that one didn’t happen.”

    “Any chance,” I offered with a smile, “you mean that you didn’t do what it takes to make it happen?”

    He smiled back, somewhat sheepishly. “Yes. I guess I mean that.”

    “And what do you want for 2016?” I asked.

    “To do what it takes rather than waiting for it to happen.” He responded.

    And so we began…

    boundariesOf course, as we all know, doing what it takes to set aside time for something that feels important (rather than urgent) is easier said than done. Somehow, I can always find the time to read the new Entertainment Weekly and binge-watch “Making a Murderer” and yet, finding the time I need to write my new book or get my office organized seems not to “happen”. Why? Because “hoping it will happen” won’t get it done. Making the time to do it AND setting four types of boundaries to honor that time will.

    In her research paper, “Positive Psychology and Work-Life Integration: The Mutually Satisfying Relationship”, The University of Pennsylvania’s Katharine E. Comtois suggests that we need to set the following boundaries in our work and lives in order to focus on what matters most:

    1. Temporal – Being clear about what you will do and won’t do, and when.
    2. Physical – Setting a specific place and space for certain tasks and activities.
    3. Behavioral – Acting consistently in ways that are designed to get you what you want.
    4. Communicative – Letting people know your priorities and expectations, and sharing how they can help or might hinder the process.

    In January 2015, I decided that I was no longer going to travel more than 25% of the time, which would effectively cut my travel schedule in half. It was something that I wanted, but wasn’t “happening”. Of course it wasn’t happening – I hadn’t set any boundaries to support it. With that aha! top of mind, here are the boundaries that I created:

    1. Temporal – I will be from home no more than 7 nights a month, period.
    2. Physical – Any activity that I could do virtually rather than in-person, I did (like webinars for teams and organizations when on-site facilitation wasn’t needed).
    3. Behavioral – I actively sought out work opportunities that kept me sleeping in my own bed, which lead to a great teaching gig at Wharton Business School.
    4. Communicative – I told my clients, “I’ve used up all of my business travel for March and April, but I can travel to you in May. Would that work for you?” (And if it didn’t, I was happy to refer someone else!)

    I couldn’t be prouder of how the boundaries I set – and continue to honor. I also found that setting these boundaries felt scary (what will happen to my business? Who will I be disappointing?) and living by them feels exceptionally safe and satisfying.

    Here are some questions to help you strategize how you can use boundaries to stay focused on shifting what you “hope” will happen to actually and practically making it happen:

    • How can you leverage other people to support you in honoring your boundaries?
    • What technology can you rely on to help you set and keep boundaries?
    • What decisions do you need to make that honor your values? (These can include decisions about what to do and what to stop doing).
    • What habits can you implement that make honoring your boundaries automatic?
    • Where can you create a physical boundary to separate the different roles you have?
    • How can you use tangible items (like different phones or email addresses) to separate your work, life, self and community domains?
    • What do you need to communicate to your stakeholders to establish boundary expectations?
    • What can you plan (like a massage or vacation) so that you can take a short-term break from managing boundaries?
    • Where will you allow for “fuzzy” boundaries?
    • How will you handle boundary violations when they occur (because they will)?

    Feel free to share any responses with me at headcoach@myjewishcoach.com. I’d love to hear them!

    Are you committed to make Work-Life Integration a priority for 2016? Get a head start by downloading our insightful, informative and inspirational one-hour webinar here.

    Good Grief! Do you Delegate like Lucy or Charlie Brown?

    Deb_Lucy - Good GriefI must admit that, while most of my work is cool, last week provided me with an opportunity that was cooler than cool: I was invited to facilitate a delegation workshop at 20th Century Fox’s animation studios, with the teams that are making the new Peanuts movie (in theatres November 6th, by the way). Between the production teams, and the story teams, and the animation teams, and the talent teams – they’ve got a lot to do and not a lot of time left to do it.

    Good grief!

    So how will they get it all done? By delegating. Which is, of course, easier said than done.

    Most of us are well aware of the benefits of delegating, which include lightening your workload, developing your staff, providing opportunities for collaboration, offering your team members a sense of ownership and empowerment, giving you an emergency back-up, retaining talent, as well as growing and challenging yourself (both to take on new tasks and to learn how to “let it go”). And yet, despite the myriad benefits, many managers don’t delegate well – but when they do, their style is either too Lucy” or “too Charlie Brown. (tweet this)

    What’s your delegation style?

    You may be a Lucy if:

    • You joke about being a “control freak” (but you know it’s not a joke).
    • Everything feels urgent to you.
    • You are addicted to adrenaline.
    • You need to be in charge.
    • You tell people not just what to do but how to do it, and don’t welcome others’ input and approaches.
    • You’re deeply concerned about credit and blame.
    • Your style is command and control.

    You may be a Charlie Brown if:

    • You find yourself mired in minutiae.
    • Most of your tasks feel comfortable to you.
    • You hoard work.
    • You realize someone else could do it but so could you.
    • You worry about being seen as dispensable.
    • You don’t want to overload your team.
    • You want to protect your staff from stress or failure.
    • You’re worried about messing things up.
    • Your style is just to do it yourself.

    You may be either a Lucy OR a Charlie Brown if thinking about delegating gives you hives, sweats or stomach pains (or makes you want to cling to Linus’ blanket.) Either way, delegation is a critical competency for anyone who has too much to do and not enough time to do it (tweet this), for anyone who is charged with developing and empowering others (tweet this), and for anyone who realizes that in order to move up in the organization, they need to make sure that their current work can be done by others so that they’re not stuck doing this (whatever your “this” is) for the rest of your career (tweet this).

    If you’re a Lucy, it’s time to show your team that you believe in their talents, that you can be flexible, and that you’re as committed to their development and growth as you are to getting it right. If you’re a Charlie Brown, it’s time to show your team that you value and trust them, that you’re resilient in the face of setbacks, and that you’re ready for all of you to play a bigger game – even if you need to hold on to your security blanket for a while longer.

    If you or anyone on your team is wrestling with delegation, you can instantly download our online 60 minute course “Delegate without Drama” and learn the eight steps to help you start giving up a little bit of control and gaining a few more hours each week without giving up your commitment to quality

    Making a Bar Mitzvah with Less Stress: The 5 Secrets of Savvy Delegators

    March 16th is my twins’ b’nai mitzvah. That’s 4 days away. And as you know, regardless of whether the big day is a ceremony followed by a buffet brunch (like ours) or a booming blow-out that rivals the Vanity Fair Oscars party, there are a million things that need to get done in advance of it. So when I delegated to my son Jacob the design of the photo montage, which traditionally shows as many friends and family members as you’ve ever taken a picture of, matched with a sentimental and upbeat soundtrack, I was thrilled that he agreed to take it on. Until….

    Until I realized that he thought pictures of his twin sister crying or in diapers should be well represented. Until I realized that his tolerance for low-resolution images was much higher than mine. And until I realized that his choice of music was, shall we say, more explicit than mine. I was about to take back the whole project when I remembered one of my own Secrets of Savvy Delegators: “Clarify expectations up front, plan for check-ins, then get out of the way”. In other words, rather than panicking that he wouldn’t do it the way I would do it (which he wouldn’t), I sat him down for an expectations conversation, where we covered a few ground rules: 1) No pictures that embarrass anyone; 2) if you can see pixilation in the photo, shrink it or skip it; and 3) no music with lyrics that would make a grandparent blush. With that start-up information shared, and a schedule of frequent check-ins planned, I put the montage out of my mind so that I could focus my mind on everything else I couldn’t delegate.

    Here are four other secrets of savvy delegators:

    1. Delegate to the right person when the stakes are high. While many folks are more focused on the “bar”, we are more focused on the “mitzvah”. So while the party playlist might not be perfect or the decorations may not be sophisticated, getting the service as right as we could in terms of both accuracy and intimacy was critical for us. What this means is that we delegated the design of the service and the preparation of our children to one of our closest, most trusted friends – who also happens to be a rabbi. Anyone can be in charge of the balloons, but not anyone could be in charge of helping our kids’ embrace this day as a milestone, and helping us have the event feel special and sacred.
    2. Distinguish between responsibility and accountability when delegating. Even as much as we trust our rabbi and friend to deliver on his responsibilities, we are still accountable for making sure that the kids do their preparation. We are still accountable for making sure that the service is inclusive. And we are certainly accountable for making sure that our children’s interest in and commitment to leading a life of good deeds and loving behavior towards others and a belief in something lasts beyond 13 years old. None of those things can be delegated.
    3. Stop seeking positive reinforcement for being overwhelmed. “Deb, how are you guys DOING with everything going on?” has been the topic of most chats with my friends and family over the last few months. And while I appreciate the recognition that this is a crazy time for us, I am actively avoiding the desire to seem busier than I actually am. Yes, it is very tempting to play the burdened victim here, and hope that people would send me certificates for Massage Envy and some take-out dinners, but that’s not the truth, nor is it the message I want to send. Yes, it is a lot to do. But my husband has taken on a huge number of tasks, and our kids are carrying their weight. So I am very clear in letting people know that it is major AND manageable. And that I am important but not indispensable.
    4. Don’t give away all the fun stuff. Delegation is supposed to make your life and work easier, not harder. It kept my motivation up throughout the boring parts (like planning the seating arrangements – a task I couldn’t delegate but one that aged me by several years) to know that I got to pick the menu because I really, truly care about the food. Nobody was taking that off my plate, so to speak. So there will be bagels and lox and baked ziti and macaroni and cheese and rainbow cookies and…and….yum. How do you know that there’s something you should keep for yourself? When someone says to you, “I can do that for you,” and you think to yourself, “Nope – that’s mine.” Which is probably what I’ll say about anyone who tries to touch my rainbow cookie!

    So whether you are planning next quarter’s business activities, your company’s annual staff retreat or a major family milestone, use the Secrets of Savvy Delegators to make your next project feel doable rather than dramatic.

    Want to learn more savvy delegation secrets to help you manage your team, your work and your life? Join me for a one hour Virtual Presentation, “Delegate without Drama” this month, and 10 other topics throughout the year! Register here: www.myjewishcoach.com/webinar.html

     

    Great Question #1 from a Strategic Planning Session

    Ah…back on the road again after being home for the entire month of October (thanks, Jewish holidays!)

    As I was facilitating a strategic planning session for a Jewish group, one member posed a terrific question about how the group would vet its activities: “How do we make sure our efforts are sustainable?”

    I often use this question with coaching clients as well – clients who are looking to make a significant change in behavior or activities (such as lose weight, network more, etc.) If you can get past the hurdle of starting something, your next hurdle is likely to be the sustainability of the process. How long can you do what you’re doing? What do you need to consider or adjust in order to keep it going?

    Is eating only salads sustainable? How about skipping all desserts? How long will this last?

    But of course, this isn’t the only great question…

    Tune in for the second part!

    Deborah Grayson Riegel
    www.myjewishcoach.com
    www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

    Goals Interrupted: Notes from a Funeral

    Despite the fact that I had a to-do list a mile-long today, my day was disrupted by a funeral. The brother of a friend, young guy, 3 kids, heart attack – never saw it coming. And the fact that my work day was interrupted by an event I didn’t and couldn’t plan for clearly paled in comparison to a life interrupted. Lives interrupted. Changed forever.

    I paid a shiva call this evening, and found myself talking with the eldest daughter of the man who passed away. Despite the fact that it is a small world — and an even smaller Jewish world — we were suprised to find that we had attended the same High School, Stuyvesant, and even the same Junior High, Robert F. Wagner — 10 years apart. New York is not that small — and it felt bashert to have something to talk about that would provide a welcome distraction.

    As we mused about teachers we shared, I started to remember the plans I had made for myself so many years ago. I was going to be a doctor (and not just to make my mom kvell). I was a serious science student, a decorated science fair champion, and had an addiction to Trapper John M.D. reruns that set the course for later med-head addictions to E.R. (during the Clooney years only), Grey’s Anatomy, and even Scrubs. I followed those plans up through my freshman pre-med year of college, when I realized that organic chem might only be foreshadowing for future academic horrors to come.

    I had had lots of plans, and of all the plans that I made, only one concrete youthful plan actually came to fruition — being a mom. And I can honestly say that I don’t look back on any of the plans that I made and then changed, interrupted or ignored with regret. I do know that the one plan I actually fulfilled is the one that has defined my life the most.

    We never, ever know when we will run out of time to fulfill our plans, our dreams, our goals. What goal have you achieved that most defines who you are? What else do you want to achieve? What are you waiting for?

    And how can I help?

    www.myjewishcoach.com
    www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

    Take the free 5 Minute Quiz and download your Free Goals Report!
    Get it here: http://www.FreeGoalsReport.com/quiz.asp?id=2243

    Get Moving on those Goals by Eating Elephant Steaks

    Few things stop us as much as the start.

    Face it: you can set all the goals in the world, but actually taking the first step towards achieving it can be the biggest hurdle of all. Often the goals we set are difficult, complex, or ask us to make tough choices. So we don’t even start.

    Here’s a piece of advice that has helped me, and many of my clients, get started on goal attainment: Think of elephants.

    Of course…elephants! Elephants??? What about ‘em?

    Here’s Elephant Tip #1: Eat elephant steaks. It’s nothing new, and it’s based on the old, old joke, “How do you eat an elephant?” “One bite at a time!”

    I know, I know…not kosher…(the joke OR the elephant).

    Think of the goal as an elephant, and then cut that elephant into steaks. Steaks that are substantial enough to be noticed on your plate, but not so big that they choke, stuff or scare you. Then cut that steak into bite-size pieces, and eat one at a time.

    Try this approach:

    Goal #1: ____________________________________________________________

    Elephant Steak 1:______________________________________

      • Bite 1:_______________________________________________________
      • Bite 2:_______________________________________________________

     

      • Bite 3:_______________________________________________________


    Elephant Steak 2:______________________________________

      • Bite 1:_______________________________________________________
      • Bite 2:_______________________________________________________

     

      • Bite 3:_______________________________________________________

     

    Elephant Steak 3:_____________________________________

      • Bite 1:_______________________________________________________
      • Bite 2:_______________________________________________________

     

      • Bite 3:_______________________________________________________

    …and so on.

    Having trouble cutting your elephant into steaks, or your steaks into bites? Ask a friend, family member or someone you trust to help you cut your meat. Just like in the old days!

    Wondering what Elephant Tip#2 is? Stay tuned…

    Testimonials

    “Deb has been a respected speaker and facilitator for a number of our JCC conferences over the past few years. While I've heard about her energy, hard work in preparing, and meaningful content, it took her recent keynote speech at our annual JCCs of North America Professional Conference to make me realize what an incredible asset she is. Watching her present a content-filled, energetic, and personalized session -- without using any notes -- was very impressive. Deb is a multi-talented, serious, and impactful presenter."

    – Allan Finkelstein, Past President and CEO, JCC Association of North America

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