goals

Three Reasons For What’s Holding Us Back

Published January 21, 2014 | By deborah

A few years ago, I was at the gym working out with a trainer. He and I had been working together for over a year. He knew me well. He knew when to push me and when I just needed some encouragement to get through a particularly rough workout. This day however was different. He set up a circuit for me to do with lots of different activities. Push this. Pull that. Lift and squat some heavy stuff and throw it across the room. I was half way through the circuit when he put me in front of a box and said jump on this. I looked at the box which was no more than a foot off the ground and looked back at my trainer and said what are you crazy (with an added exploitive or two)? He said no, just bend your knees and jump. I bent my knees and couldn’t do it. I was paralyzed with fear. I took a deep breathe and bent my knees again and again I couldn’t do it. This is crazy I thought to myself it’s a foot off the ground. I practiced jumping next to the box. I can jump that high with no problem. Why couldn’t I just jump on the box?

If you’ve ever watched any weight loss show, you’ve seen contestants season after season get stuck in front of that box. But what is so different about this exercise? What is it about this box that it leaves so many people paralyzed with fear and crying in a big heap of a sweaty mess.

The box is a really good metaphor for life and after much analysis I’ve come up with 3 reasons on what’s holding us back from jumping onto the box in life and in the gym:

1. Fear of Failure – The irrational fear that we will not succeed. So what happens? We don’t even try because….(the millions of the things that run through our head). If you look at failure as just an opportunity to try again until you get it right, it takes some pressure off of you and gives you permission to learn as you go. Success isn’t necessarily completing the task at hand. Success should be defined as accepting wherever you are in the process and pushing forward through each step till the end.

2. Leap of faith– The act hurling your body onto this platform requires you to believe that what you are about to do will all work out. If I jump, I will land squarely on this box. When it comes to doing something for the first time we make up excuses in our head that limits our abilities to take the leap. We combat all the voices by looking around to see if other people have done the same activity successfully. How did they do it? What did it take? If we can answer these questions, usually it’s enough for us to take the leap.

3. Can’t let go– For most of us the idea of letting go feels like a loss of control. Losing control puts us in a state of panic and extreme anxiety. We fear if we can’t control the outcome something terrible will happen which is often rooted in our need to be perfect.

We can’t let go of something if part of you believes that you are better off with “it”. The “it” is serving another purpose and until you understand the need that is being met you won’t be able to let it go.

Over the years I’ve stood in front of that box and some days I make it my bitch and other days it gets me and I’m that person crying in a big heap of a sweaty mess. What I know is that when I’m unable to do it, if I take a quiet moment to look inward there is always something going on in my life that is feeding into my fear of failure, my inability to take a leap of faith or my need to control something. What’s different today then a few years ago, is that now I can understand what’s holding me back and deal with it head on.

The Chicken or the Egg

Published June 5, 2013 | By deborah

By Jane Stein

So, which comes first: the money or the mission? “Why, the mission of course” you answer ever so confidently.

But are you sure?

Let’s think about this. How many of you have had a really, really, really good idea for a new program, project or maybe even a whole new nonprofit organization? I see a few hands going up back there in the audience. Good for you: idea first. And then what happened?

Maybe you went to the Board of your JCC or Federation. Maybe you went to the program chair, the executive director, your puppy. And what was said to you in response to your really, really, really good idea?? (Woof does not count here) Great idea! Go find the money and we will move right ahead with it.

What happened next? My guess is that you stuffed that really, really, really good idea right back into your brain and said something to yourself like “I will do that just as soon as I win the Lottery”. And you might have even gone out and bought three lottery tickets to insure that you would be able to implement your really, really, good idea.

I work with a lot of nonprofit organizations, both Jewish and non-Jewish. And I hear a lot of really, really, really good ideas. I teach classes on building and running nonprofit organizations and I hear a lot of really, really, really good ideas. And I always say, “What a really, really, really good idea! How are you going to pay for that?” Now I have many students who say to me “my idea is soooo good that G-d will provide” and we will be up and running very soon.

And to them — and to everyone else — and to you, too — I say “NO MONEY – NO MISSION!”

Raising money, most folks say, is NOT EASY. I think that is because those same folks are thinking “Let’s do a wallk/run” or “Let’s do a big gala” or my personal favorite “Let’s do a golf tournament”. And believe you me, this is NOT the way to get that really, really, really good idea funded. Special events fund raising is time consuming (how many of you have spent 21 ½ hours stuffing goodie bags?), volunteer draining (did you know it takes approximately 932 volunteers to run a run?), dependent on the weather (did I tell you the one about the monsoon over Virginia Beach during our Great Dig for Cystic Fibrosis?), your region’s calendar of special events (I know you checked to see what was happening in the Jewish world that day, but did you know that the Foodbank, Habitat for Humanity, Special Olympics and the American Cancer Society were all holding events that day? Didn’t think so. Did you know that it is really, really, really hard to raise money for a special event if you have no major sponsors to cover the expenses and all of your participants are participating somewhere else? (But more about the raising of major sponsors in a later blog)

It is really, really, really quite simple. The best way to get your really, really, really good idea to become a reality is to begin at the beginning and start to build some really, really, really good relationships with the folks in your community who have three attributes: 1 – a philanthropic soul, 2 – the money to do something with that philanthropic soul and 3 – a wonderful group of friends/acquaintances/business buddies who love and trust them. And that is where the money for your mission will best be found.

So, next time you have a really, really, really good idea, read my blogs! Because over the next few months they are going to be full of ways to raise money without the worries, stress, aggravation or hassle, or as we would say in Yiddish, all the tsuris!

Come on In, The Water’s Fine!

Published April 1, 2010 | By deborah

This morning, I told Jacob and Sophie that we’d be going swimming after baseball camp. By “we” I meant my husband and the two of them. “Why aren’t you coming?” Jacob asked, annoyed. “Oh, I’ll be there….I’m just not going in,” I told him. This was not – or shall I say, should not, have been news to him. I show up at all kinds of bodies of water — even in my bathing suit, which is one of my least favorite parts of the whole ordeal. But getting into a chilly lake, ocean or pool just is not my cup of (iced) tea.

“Mom,” Sophie said calmly. “How about if we give you as much time as you need to get used to the water? We promise not to rush you.” “Yeah!” Jacob said, in a rare moment of twinship.

I have to say that I’m considering it. If Jacob and Sophie keep their end of the bargain – which, as they know, includes no splashing, rushing or taunting — perhaps I can take my time to make something I dread more enjoyable for me, which will make a great experience for my kids.

Where do you need to take it slow so that you can acclimate? What’s your “cold water”? And who can help you make it a warmer experience?

To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

Great Question #2 from a Strategic Planning Session

Published November 18, 2008 | By deborah

So, when we last left off, our question was “Is it sustainable”?…

What an ironic question. Every time I sit down to blog, I tell myself “Keep going! Don’t quit! Do another one tomorrow.” And alas, now three weeks after the last blog post I realize that blogging is only sustainable for me if I commit to doing it by scheduling it into my calendar.

So enough about me: Here’s the second great question:

“Does it add value?”

I mean, think about it: What’s the point in doing something sustainable (“Yes, we can keep doing this!”) if it doesn’t add value (“But who cares if we do or we don’t?”)

Think about something you are doing at work. For example, you say, yes, we’ve committed to holding Monday morning staff meetings (sustainable). But how are you adding value by doing that? What objectives are you achieving — or even more pointedly — what objectives are you achieving in your regular Monday morning staff meetings that could not be achieved any other way?

Before you add anything else to your to do list, run what you currently have listed through the two questions: Is it sustainable? Does it add value?

Then, see what you can eliminate before you add more.

And keep me in the loop!

Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
headcoach@myjewishcoach.com

Get Moving on those Goals by Eating Elephant Steaks

Published December 17, 2007 | By deborah

Few things stop us as much as the start.

Face it: you can set all the goals in the world, but actually taking the first step towards achieving it can be the biggest hurdle of all. Often the goals we set are difficult, complex, or ask us to make tough choices. So we don’t even start.

Here’s a piece of advice that has helped me, and many of my clients, get started on goal attainment: Think of elephants.

Of course…elephants! Elephants??? What about ‘em?

Here’s Elephant Tip #1: Eat elephant steaks. It’s nothing new, and it’s based on the old, old joke, “How do you eat an elephant?” “One bite at a time!”

I know, I know…not kosher…(the joke OR the elephant).

Think of the goal as an elephant, and then cut that elephant into steaks. Steaks that are substantial enough to be noticed on your plate, but not so big that they choke, stuff or scare you. Then cut that steak into bite-size pieces, and eat one at a time.

Try this approach:

Goal #1: ____________________________________________________________

Elephant Steak 1:______________________________________

- Bite 1:_______________________________________________________

- Bite 2:_______________________________________________________

- Bite 3:_______________________________________________________

Elephant Steak 2:______________________________________

- Bite 1:_______________________________________________________

- Bite 2:_______________________________________________________

- Bite 3:_______________________________________________________

Elephant Steak 3:_____________________________________

- Bite 1:_______________________________________________________

- Bite 2:_______________________________________________________

- Bite 3:_______________________________________________________

…and so on.

Having trouble cutting your elephant into steaks, or your steaks into bites? Ask a friend, family member or someone you trust to help you cut your meat. Just like in the old days!

Wondering what Elephant Tip#2 is? Stay tuned…

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