habits
15 Ways to Break the Law of the Instrument
Psychologist Abraham Maslow once famously remarked: “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” That’s known as The Law of the Instrument – and many of us have one or two well-worn instruments, tools, and approaches that we use to help our colleagues, friends and family solve problems.
I know this first-hand: A decade ago after I graduated from coaching school I realized that my version of The Law of the Instrument was, “When what you are is a coach, every problem looks coachable.” Since one of the most useful tools in the coaching toolkit is curiosity, I asked a lot of questions. I mean, a LOT of questions. It got to the point that I would ask my kids, “How was your day at school?” or “What would you like for dinner?” and would hear, in response, “Are you trying to coach me???”
Point taken. Even though Albert Einstein himself said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning,” the people around me said, “Please give your questioning a rest.”
Now, ten years and hundreds of clients later, I now have a wide range of instruments that I can use to be helpful, depending on whether someone wants direction, advice, support, empathy, instruction, problem-solving or yes, coaching. And it took a lot of work to cultivate a toolkit where I could feel equally comfortable pulling out any instrument and using it well. But the most important development for me was not assuming that I knew what help my client, colleague, friend or kid wanted or needed, but offering them a robust list of helpful approaches from which they could choose. Chances are, you have one or two well-worn instruments that you use regularly (such as problem-solving or brainstorming) and it might be time for you to add some new ones to your toolkit.
You might like the feel of a new instrument in your hand – and you might be able to help the people you work, volunteer and live with might have a breakthrough that wouldn’t have been possible with the tools you’ve been using.
Ready to break the Law of the Instrument? Here is my list of 15 new ones to offer:
- Listen without judgment
- Ask open-ended questions
- Play “Devil’s Advocate”
- Brainstorm 50 new ideas
- Empathize
- Connect you to an expert in the field
- Teach you a skill
- Share my own experience/path
- Give a pep talk/cheerlead
- Help you prioritize
- Take notes while you download your thoughts
- Help you develop evaluation criteria
- Do it along side you
- Send you articles, videos and other resources
- Fix it for you
What are some other instruments you use? Post below.
The Most Important Sentence in Delegation
TXTNG WHL DRVNG
As my husband Michael and I were heading to JFK airport, envisioning the sun, sand and frosty beverages of our upcoming “no work allowed” weekend in St. Martin, I peeked into the car to our right to see a frightening sight.
“Michael,” I exclaimed in horror. “That guy over there is driving with his knees while he texts!”
Michael turned to me, eyebrow raised. “Jealous?”
Boy does he know me. Boy oh boy.
So here are my two pledges, beginning immediately:
No work on vacations — it’s bad for my relationships, my mental health and for my own business
No texting while driving — it’s bad for my safety and the safety of those around me
Now call me an overachiever (please…do!), but I think we could all benefit from identifying ONE habit we need to attend to immediately for your own health, wellbeing or safety.
What’s yours?
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com