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    leadership

    Leadership is about what you DO!

    “Leadership is action, not position.” — Donald H. McGannon, Former CEO, Westinghouse Broadcast Corporation

    Whether you are the board president, the rabbi, rosh yeshiva, CEO — or hold any title that makes people site up and take notice, remember what people really want and need from you — your commitment to roll up your sleeves and participate in a meaningful way.

    I believe that most of us have two fundamental needs, regardless of our role in the organization — the need to benefit and the need to contribute. In fact, when I teach sessions on running effective meetings, those are the two criteria for determining who should attend a meeting. If a meeting participant will neither benefit from nor contribute to a meeting, then give them back their time to do something more useful than sit in on a meeting! Trust me — he or she will thank you for it, and your meeting participants will appreciate a leaner, more focused meeting process.

    Those in Jewish organizational leadership positions often benefit from title, position, status, connections, and paycheck for those in paid positions (and yes, I see you — the one eye-rolling about the idea of benefiting from a Jewish organizational paycheck. But I won’t let you distract me!).

    Here’s the question: does your level of contribution — decisions made, problems solved, resources developed — meet or exceed the benefits you receive from your position? How would your lay or professional counterparts and direct reports answer that if asked about you?

    If you’re not sure, are you willing to ask? If you’re willing to ask, who will you start with? If you’re not willing, why?

    In the words of writer Elbert Hubbard, “Don’t make excuses. Make good.”

    How to Give Feedback To Folks Who Don’t Want to Hear It

    feedback“I can’t wait to hear what I did wrong!”
    “You’re frustrated with my performance? Do tell.”
    “I’m failing to meet expectations plus I have a work habit that drives you crazy? Details, please!”

    -Said nobody ever

    Let’s face it: Getting feedback is hard. And so is giving it. But what’s even trickier is giving feedback to someone who is defensive, in denial or determined NOT to hear it.

    So what do you do?
    Drop it?
    Force-feed them?
    Send them a signing telegram?

    None of the above — but you DO have to deal with it, and I’m thrilled to share my tactics and strategies for doing exactly that, published in Harvard Business Review “When Your Employee Doesn’t Take Feedback”.

    The High Cost of a Single Missing Leadership Trait

    “The task of the leader is to get his people from where they are to where they have not been.” – Henry A. Kissinger

    When you think about leaders you admire – whether it’s Moses or Miriam, the CEO of your organization or the president of your Board – you likely see in them several well-known and well-regarded leadership skills and attributes: vision, passion, confidence,  strategic thinking, conflict management, results-orientation, integrity, decision-making and more.

    These leadership traits make up a critical combination of competence, commitment and character – and hopefully, you demonstrate many of these yourself whether you hold a leadership title or not.

    But there’s one more crucial leadership trait that, according to Harvard University business professor and social psychologist Ann Cuddy, can make all the difference between you and your organization being loved or loathed. And more importantly, it’s a trait that everyone in your organization who interfaces with customers, members, donors, or prospects needs to cultivate if they don’t have it already.

    What’s in the secret leadership sauce?

    The added ingredient associated with the most effective leaders of our organizations is Warmth. Warmth is the very first trait that people perceive about us, and based on that initial reading – whether we like it or not – people decide whether our intentions are positive or negative.

    Warmth is considered more important and more influential than competence (our ability to do the job). And while the people with whom we work may forgive us for a breach in competence, studies show that “a single instance of negative-warmth behavior is likely to irredeemably categorize the perpetrator as a cold person.”

    HowWeSeeOthersMJCaprilnewsletter

    So what does that mean? It means that your front office staff member who gets things done but has a brusque tone is costing your organization credibility. It means that a supervisor who is brilliant at the technical aspects of her job but who is described as having an “edge” is costing you staff morale. It means that the fundraiser on your team whose numbers are good but who also rubs some donors and prospects the wrong way is costing you money.

    It means that every single member of your organization needs to know that making people feel included, engaged, respected – and cared about – is a part of his or her job description.

    Here are 10 ways to increase feelings of warmth among your team, in the organization, and with customers, members, donors, and prospects:

    1. Increase the number of agenda-free “casual conversations” you have.
    2. Give others your complete attention (no cell phones, emails, looking over their shoulders for someone more interesting, etc.).
    3. Be curious about other people’s work and non-work activities.
    4. Share your own personal and professional challenges with your colleagues.
    5. Demonstrate empathy for others’ challenges.
    6. Let rumors, gossip and bad news die at your desk.
    7. Be willing to apologize when you make a mistake or hurt someone’s feelings.
    8. Trust others and be trustworthy yourself.
    9. Use inviting body language, such as eye contact, smiling and nodding.
    10. Explain your intentions to others when making decisions or taking actions that affect them.

     

    If you, your team and your leaders could use some help getting even warmer this summer, email us at headcoach@myjewishcoach.com.

    Making a Bar Mitzvah with Less Stress: The 5 Secrets of Savvy Delegators

    March 16th is my twins’ b’nai mitzvah. That’s 4 days away. And as you know, regardless of whether the big day is a ceremony followed by a buffet brunch (like ours) or a booming blow-out that rivals the Vanity Fair Oscars party, there are a million things that need to get done in advance of it. So when I delegated to my son Jacob the design of the photo montage, which traditionally shows as many friends and family members as you’ve ever taken a picture of, matched with a sentimental and upbeat soundtrack, I was thrilled that he agreed to take it on. Until….

    Until I realized that he thought pictures of his twin sister crying or in diapers should be well represented. Until I realized that his tolerance for low-resolution images was much higher than mine. And until I realized that his choice of music was, shall we say, more explicit than mine. I was about to take back the whole project when I remembered one of my own Secrets of Savvy Delegators: “Clarify expectations up front, plan for check-ins, then get out of the way”. In other words, rather than panicking that he wouldn’t do it the way I would do it (which he wouldn’t), I sat him down for an expectations conversation, where we covered a few ground rules: 1) No pictures that embarrass anyone; 2) if you can see pixilation in the photo, shrink it or skip it; and 3) no music with lyrics that would make a grandparent blush. With that start-up information shared, and a schedule of frequent check-ins planned, I put the montage out of my mind so that I could focus my mind on everything else I couldn’t delegate.

    Here are four other secrets of savvy delegators:

    1. Delegate to the right person when the stakes are high. While many folks are more focused on the “bar”, we are more focused on the “mitzvah”. So while the party playlist might not be perfect or the decorations may not be sophisticated, getting the service as right as we could in terms of both accuracy and intimacy was critical for us. What this means is that we delegated the design of the service and the preparation of our children to one of our closest, most trusted friends – who also happens to be a rabbi. Anyone can be in charge of the balloons, but not anyone could be in charge of helping our kids’ embrace this day as a milestone, and helping us have the event feel special and sacred.
    2. Distinguish between responsibility and accountability when delegating. Even as much as we trust our rabbi and friend to deliver on his responsibilities, we are still accountable for making sure that the kids do their preparation. We are still accountable for making sure that the service is inclusive. And we are certainly accountable for making sure that our children’s interest in and commitment to leading a life of good deeds and loving behavior towards others and a belief in something lasts beyond 13 years old. None of those things can be delegated.
    3. Stop seeking positive reinforcement for being overwhelmed. “Deb, how are you guys DOING with everything going on?” has been the topic of most chats with my friends and family over the last few months. And while I appreciate the recognition that this is a crazy time for us, I am actively avoiding the desire to seem busier than I actually am. Yes, it is very tempting to play the burdened victim here, and hope that people would send me certificates for Massage Envy and some take-out dinners, but that’s not the truth, nor is it the message I want to send. Yes, it is a lot to do. But my husband has taken on a huge number of tasks, and our kids are carrying their weight. So I am very clear in letting people know that it is major AND manageable. And that I am important but not indispensable.
    4. Don’t give away all the fun stuff. Delegation is supposed to make your life and work easier, not harder. It kept my motivation up throughout the boring parts (like planning the seating arrangements – a task I couldn’t delegate but one that aged me by several years) to know that I got to pick the menu because I really, truly care about the food. Nobody was taking that off my plate, so to speak. So there will be bagels and lox and baked ziti and macaroni and cheese and rainbow cookies and…and….yum. How do you know that there’s something you should keep for yourself? When someone says to you, “I can do that for you,” and you think to yourself, “Nope – that’s mine.” Which is probably what I’ll say about anyone who tries to touch my rainbow cookie!

    So whether you are planning next quarter’s business activities, your company’s annual staff retreat or a major family milestone, use the Secrets of Savvy Delegators to make your next project feel doable rather than dramatic.

    Want to learn more savvy delegation secrets to help you manage your team, your work and your life? Join me for a one hour Virtual Presentation, “Delegate without Drama” this month, and 10 other topics throughout the year! Register here: www.myjewishcoach.com/webinar.html

     

    Traditions: Keep, Ditch, or Reinvent Them?

     

    “Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse.”
    I was home sick, lying on my couch, hopped up on cold medicine and for some reason glued to the TV waiting for a puff of smoke to come billowing out of the church chimney. I knew I was watching history but usually Days of our Lives or The Prices is Right takes precedence on a sick day agenda. I couldn’t figure out why I was so interested in the Pope elections, but I was. Then one of the reporters used the word “tradition” and a light bulb went off — or in this case, a white puff of smoke.
    tradition is a belief or behavior passed down within a group or society with symbolic meaning or special significance with origins in the past.  Traditions feel important to so many of us because they bring us comfort and safety.
    But do traditions help us — or do they hold us back?
    When you look at Judaism or any other religion, it is steeped in tradition and it’s often what people love most about their faith. I find comfort in the idea that no matter what synagogue I go to on a Friday night, the service will always be the same. With Passover in just a few days, I have been thinking a lot about what my parents’ traditions were, and what I will carry on with my own family.  My Seder, like many of yours, included telling the story of the Exodus from Egypt from the Maxwell coffee haggadahs, eating matzo, and me as the youngest singing the Four Questions. Now that I have a family of my own, I have the opportunity to reinvent what my Seder looks like and incorporate the traditions of my past, the new things I’ve learned along the way, and anything else my imagination can create.
    But what about traditions at work?  How many times have you heard the answer, “It’s how we’ve always done it.”  Sometimes that statement is about tradition — and other times, it’s just easier to do the same thing over and over again (remember: comfort and safety).  Tradition in the work place can hinder creativity and keep you stuck in the same old, same old.  Think of the program or project that you do year after year: is it still bringing in the same amount of people or raising the same amount of money?  Are you doing it because it’s a tradition and that’s how it’s always been done?  I’m not suggesting that traditions are always good or bad but what I do think is that we should always be aware of whywe are doing something year after year.  If you simply ask the question during the planning process, “are we doing this because it is truly a tradition or because it’s how it’s always been done”, you may avoid the pitfalls of getting stuck in a rut.
    So, as we approach the Passover holiday, ask yourself: what traditions do you want to keep, let go of, or reinvent?

    Leadership is about what you DO!

    “Leadership is action, not position.” — Donald H. McGannon, Former CEO, Westinghouse Broadcast Corporation

    Whether you are the board president, the rabbi, rosh yeshiva, CEO — or hold any title that makes people site up and take notice, remember what people really want and need from you — your commitment to roll up your sleeves and participate in a meaningful way.

    I believe that most of us have two fundamental needs, regardless of our role in the organization — the need to benefit and the need to contribute. In fact, when I teach sessions on running effective meetings, those are the two criteria for determining who should attend a meeting. If a meeting participant will neither benefit from nor contribute to a meeting, then give them back their time to do something more useful than sit in on a meeting! Trust me — he or she will thank you for it, and your meeting participants will appreciate a leaner, more focused meeting process.

    Those in Jewish organizational leadership positions often benefit from title, position, status, connections, and paycheck for those in paid positions (and yes, I see you — the one eye-rolling about the idea of benefiting from a Jewish organizational paycheck. But I won’t let you distract me!).

    Here’s the question: does your level of contribution — decisions made, problems solved, resources developed — meet or exceed the benefits you receive from your position? How would your lay or professional counterparts and direct reports answer that if asked about you?

    If you’re not sure, are you willing to ask? If you’re willing to ask, who will you start with? If you’re not willing, why?

    In the words of writer Elbert Hubbard, “Don’t make excuses. Make good.”

    Deborah
    www.myjewishcoach.com

    A “Smart Choice” for Trickle-Up Leadership

    When Jacob and Sophie were 4, they graduated from tricycles to two-wheelers with training wheels. And Michael and I graduated from part-time worriers to full-time safety officers, hell-bent on making sure that our kids never, ever rode their bikes without helmets. I believe that, in a moment of typical over-reaction, I told the kids that even if they found themselves sitting on their bikes in the middle of our living room that they were to have their helmets strapped on snugly.

    So a few weeks later, as we’re driving down the street in our minivan, Sophie calls out, “Mommy, look! There’s a boy riding his bicycle without a helmet!”

    And without looking, I say what most helmet-obsessed, sickeningly self-righteous moms would say in that situation, “Well, Sophie, he’s not making a very smart choice, is he?”

    Sophie thought about that for a second, and replied, “But Mommy, what if it’s not a choice?”

    I asked her what she meant, and that when she blew me away with her reply, almost causing me to veer into oncoming traffic:

    “Mommy, what if his family couldn’t afford a bicycle helmet after they bought that bike?”

    Before I had a chance to process her thinking, Jacob – who was not about to be outdone by his sister (who is, after all, a whole minute younger) – chimed in, “Mom? You know what? We have a full tzedakah box in the kitchen at home. Why don’t we use that money to buy bicycle helmets for families who don’t have enough money?”

    I kid you not. You can’t make this stuff up.

    And what does this have to do with you or your organization?

    Leadership that always “trickles down” is missing a major water source. Give those whom you manage (or parent) the opportunity for their ideas and interests to trickle up.

    And what does this have to do with me? Naches, baby. Pure naches.

    Deborah
    www.myjewishcoach.com

    Testimonials

    “Deb has been a respected speaker and facilitator for a number of our JCC conferences over the past few years. While I've heard about her energy, hard work in preparing, and meaningful content, it took her recent keynote speech at our annual JCCs of North America Professional Conference to make me realize what an incredible asset she is. Watching her present a content-filled, energetic, and personalized session -- without using any notes -- was very impressive. Deb is a multi-talented, serious, and impactful presenter."

    – Allan Finkelstein, Past President and CEO, JCC Association of North America

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