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    perspective

    When Are We Home?

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    Home is the place that goes where you go, yet it welcomes you upon return. Like a dog overjoyed at the door. We’ve missed you is what you hear, no matter how long you’ve been gone” – Michael J Rosen
    In my last blog I shared that “I lived in seven different countries and felt at home in each one of

    them”. Many of you followed up by asking me, how is that possible. That question triggered a conversation with my daughter, about “which one is really home?”.

    Once again, like with most questions in life, there is no simple answer. To this day, when people ask me “where are you from?” my answer is not a straight-forward one. Instead, I always feel the need to share a short story in response. “I was born in Israel, but I lived in seven different countries, mostly in Argentina, where my parents, my husband and children are from, and now I’m from Durham, NC”, and then I have an urge to add “I’m a citizen of the world”.   Oy!  So, where IS home?
    Let’s start with question #1, how is it possible to make every place home? Well, I need to give credit to my parents for that!
      To start, they always made me feel we were on a mission. It wasn’t about an unstable life, but a life with a purpose. We were moving for my dad’s job and we all had a share in that job. My dad worked for the Israeli Foreign Ministry and I always was a little ambassador for my country. The purpose was to bring with me my homeland and share it with my new home until I can share it with another home, and then another… and at the end we all learn that we are part of one big home.
      They always taught me that I was part of a community that was all over the world, and being part of that community gave me a sense of belonging, wherever that community was. I can’t remember having arrived to any country and not being invited that first Friday to a family Shabbat dinner with the same prayers, tastes, and traditions we had at home.
      They also made me believe  – and I still do!-  that there were always friends waiting to meet me in other places. I cried for a week saying goodbye to my friends, but I was also excited to go and meet those who were waiting for me. Coming into a new school it gave me all the confidence I needed to make new friends  “who were waiting for me” — something I carry with me even today.
       And finally, my parents would recreate my environment as if every place was the final destination, not a transition. It wasn’t about “we will live here only for two years”, but it was about “this is home now”. Believe me, it worked!
    My husband always reminds me, it has to do with my personality. But more than that, it has to do with my choice of how I want to live. I could cry for what I am leaving behind, or I could choose to believe that what I have I can still have anywhere I go, and what was there for me will still be there even if I move.
    Now to question #2, which one is really home? That’s a more philosophical question.  At this point “home” is larger than a country for me. Yes, Home is the country I was born in, no doubt about it, even if I left at a young age and even if when I visit (visit home?) I feel a stranger in many ways- from my accent to the way of living.  But I belong there, and belonging is home. Home is being with my childhood friends wherever they are around the globe every time I see them. Home is always when I’m with family who is also happened to be spread out around the world. Home is when I taste that food from that country where I used to live.  Home is listening to the languages I was born into. Home is listening to the songs I grew up with. Home is my parents. Home is being with my husband and my kids even if it is in a hotel room. Home is my house no matter where it is.  As Rabbetzin Twerski wrote “home has nothing to do with bricks and mortar and furnishing, it has everything to do with the spirit which fills it”.
    There is a famous song in Spanish, “No soy de aqui, ni soy de alla.” which means “I’m neither from here nor from there”, but I’d rather sing it  “I’m from here and I’m from there”.
    Home is a feeling, not a place. To me “home” is a state of mind, not always a single  place but many places. Home is a place that goes where I go.

    7 Lessons from My Plumbler

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    “What did I learn today?” I ask myself every night before getting lost in a dream.  I try to set myself into a learning mode every single day, open to learn from everyone and everything, and to be aware of what I’m learning.  My latest lesson came from my plumber.
    On the first hour of the first day of what already promised to be a  hectic week, water was coming down from under the kitchen sink, flooding the house – well, that might be an exaggeration on my part, but there was definitely a big pond! It is exactly one of the last things you want to see when you wake up in the morning ready for a busy day. Desperate is how I felt.
    I tried to cut the water flow, without success, but thankfully my husband did.  We had no other choice than to call a plumber (for me and for many reasons it felt as painful as calling the dentist!) and I went ahead and canceled all my meetings for that day.
    Mr. Plumber arrived with a nice smile on his face and approached the area of disaster very calmly, almost ignoring my anxiety. As soon as I sensed his attitude, I realized that things were under control. From there on, everything turned into a lesson:
    1.  No matter how big the leak is, the attitude we bring into the issue matters! When we are faced with a crisis, we can become the first part of the solution or the problem. If the plumber had walked into my house with the same anxiety I was having, I wouldn’t have trusted his ability to solve the problem and he would have become part of the problem himself. As soon as I saw him and because of his attitude, I started to think with more clarity  
    2.   Any leak can be viewed differently: perspective, perspective, perspective! A flood to me was just a small incident for the plumber. The pond looked “terrible” to me – I was already imagining my house flooded and everything destroyed. In reality, the problem was small and easy to fix, just by replacing a tiny inexpensive part.
    3. A leak starts small before it turns into a pond, so pay attention to the first sign of “alarm” and take quick action! I must confess that I knew about a leak for a while, but I chose to ignore it and instead convinced myself that it was “nothing”.  Had I handled the problem as soon as it started, I wouldn’t have needed a plumber on such short notice. I could then have planned for it with enough time on my schedule, avoid canceling commitments, pay a more reasonable fee, and not experience this desperation.
    4. Be prepared to cut the water supply in case of a leak – know your stuff! This is true for the water but also metaphorically. Be prepared and courageous enough to stop a problem before it grows bigger.
    5. Water leaks require a plumber or handy man – expertise matters! It is ok not to know something, and to call the expert to provide his perspective and skills. Confession number 2: I put some ducting tape when I realized the leak was not stopping, and then hoped for the problem to be solved. What do I know about plumbing? Nothing!
    6. A leak can originate in many places, and the problem is not always what we think it is!  I kept looking at what I believed was the root cause of the leak, but because of that I didn’t pay attention to something else that could have been obvious too.
    7. A plumber can teach a coach life lessons. Identify your teachers and become one! The plumber came in, did his job and left. He didn’t think of himself as a teacher and yet he was giving me a life lesson. Next time, I will make sure I appreciate my “teacher”, and by doing that try to be a teacher and a learner myself.
    The week ended up being less hectic than expected, even after this incident…on Friday, there was a perfectly shaped rainbow in the sky. The rainbow taught me that where there is water there can also be sun and something beautiful can happen.
    As it turns out, we can always learn a lesson and make our lives a more interesting journey, even when it all starts with a tiny drop that becomes a pond.

    Lessons from a Visit at the Children’s Museum

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    I’m writing this blog for all the people who have survived.

     

    Survived what? Survived whatever was difficult for you to handle.
    A couple of weeks ago I took my daughters to the new children’s museum in our town. We walked around and enjoyed a beautiful exhibition about George Washington. My daughter pointed out a quote on the wall by GW saying   “I had found bullets through my coat and two horses shot under me, and yet escaped unhurt.” General Washington wrote this in a letter to his brother after the battle in Pennsylvania.
    Has it ever occurred to you that no matter what you have faced in your life; the hardships, the difficulties, the setbacks, here you are alive reading my blog and realizing that you have survived – hopefully without permanent damage.
    As many of us take our daily vitamins to strengthen our bodies and immune system, we should take an opportunity each day to remember the events and experiences that have strengthened our spirits and have helped us become the people we are today.
    As we look back, here are a couple of questions to consider:
    1) What were the events in my life that had taught me the greatest lessons?
                As for me, thankfully I’ve never had bullets through my coat, but I sure had my share of heartbreak from broken promises, betrayal, as well as being rejected, failing and disappointing others. And yet, after each fall, I got back up equipped with a new lesson about people, life, and most importantly, about myself.
    2)  How come I’m still here? Why me?
                Often times when things don’t go the way we expect, we ask “why me?” or “why does this have to happen to me?” What if we ask these questions when the good things happen? “How did I get to be so lucky to have this career? This family? These relationships in my life?” I must have done something right. What is that “something right”? Let us be reminded by the special qualities we possess, the luck we’ve had and the blessings we have experienced.
    3)  What’s the bigger picture?
                It is so easy to get caught up with the little annoyances of life but the only thing that can sometimes get me through is looking at the bigger picture. What is the meaning behind all of this? How come I have escaped, unhurt? There must be a very good reason for me to have survived this…and this is where our purpose in life unveils itself. We each have one. Some have found it and others are still searching. George Washington knew that his purpose was to selflessly serve his country. My purpose is to help others be successful in personal life and career.  What is yours?
               
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