Professional
Your Personal Invitation is Inside: Harvard Business Review, Facebook, and YOU!
The man who can’t accept criticism can’t become great. – Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav
- Does giving feedback make you sweat?
- Does getting feedback make you sweat even more?
- Does your organization give feedback only during annual performance reviews?
- Would your professionals rather eat a bug than give lay leaders direct feedback – and
vice versa? - Does your culture feel too “nice” for negative feedback?
If any of these sounds like you, you’re invited to get some new skills, perspectives and confidence around giving and receiving feedback.
Please join me and Harvard Business Review for “How to Give and Receive Effective Feedback,” a 30-minute Facebook Live event beginning at 10 am EST on Thursday, December 15th. I’ll be sharing my top tips, tools and techniques, and you’ll have the opportunity to ask me questions and get some direction and support.
Click here to visit Harvard Business Review’s Facebook page to join me.
Click here to add this complimentary event to your calendar.
“Introducing…Another Boring Speaker”
“Introducing…Another Boring Speaker”
In the next two weeks, I will be a keynote speaker at the American Heart Association’s annual conference, as well as a breakout session speaker at the Healthcare Businesswomen’s Association conference. In both cases, I’ve sent my speaker introduction ahead of time as requested – and in both cases, I’m praying for the best (which includes reminding the MC that my last name sounds like “Regal”, not “Rye-gull”).
Let’s face it: none of us would introduce a guest speaker as “Another Boring Speaker”. And, of course, none of us who speak in front of groups would ever want to be introduced that way (could you imagine?) But, more often than not, the introduction of a speaker is treated as an afterthought rather than as an opportunity to excite, engage and even create a little suspense about what’s to come. A speaker introduction is an advertisement – and you want to sell both the sizzle and the steak!
Want to know how to wow your audience before the speaker even takes the stage? Here’s my new Harvard Business Review article, “How to Memorably Introduce Another Speaker”.
Want to know where I’ll be introduced next?
New Orleans | St. Louis| South Florida | San Francisco| Detroit| New York | New Jersey | Boston | Rochester, NY
Don’t see your city there? Let’s talk!
The Power of a Six Word Ask
By Guest Maven Alina Gerlovin Spaulding
It is legend that Hemingway was challenged to write a novel in just 6 words… to which he responded: “For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.”
There’s a terrific story about Earnest Hemingway, which, like most stories about him, begins as a bar brawl.
Years later, Smith Magazine challenged readers to write their memoirs in 6 words. Nearly overnight, there were so many compelling responses, that they published a book called: Not Quite What I Was Planning.
A dear friend and fellow philanthropist and fundraiser, Alison Lebovitz, ran a program by which I was completely taken. In a room full of female leaders, she said: “everyone has a story, what’s yours?” She challenged us to introduce ourselves, in just six words. Although nearly every person in the room was a friend of mine, I learned more in the brevity and intention of those six-word introductions than I may have ever learned in years of friendship. The most important aspects were distilled and communicated.
I started using this technique with other groups… I asked a group of day school heads to capture the mission of their school in 6 words: “Keep climbing, the view is awesome.” And for a new, low-cost private school, in New York, we heard “It’s affordable, go have another kid!” When I asked a group of teen leaders to tell me a 6-word story about how they intend to change the world, one teen said: “I don’t now where to start.” Someone who did this project with Dr. Ruth said that her story was: “I wish for everyone, great sex!”
I know a very quick thinking, impatient rabbi who said, “I got it in 5”. These two made me smile: “My life made my therapist laugh” and “fourth choice to prom, still overcompensating”.
Here are some other examples that might resonate:
The work we do is sacred.
We help Jews, wherever they are.
My community is a global one.
Why Federation? I can give directly.
LOVE the J! Ask me Y!
Another generation, hanging at the JCC.
Thank G-d for non-Jewish members!
There’s something magical about the ease and brevity of this task. Now, when I start working on a development project, I ask the team or the leader to give me the mission of the project in 6 words. They always laugh, but when they actually get it, it opens a new dimension. What’s the story of your passion?
If you’d like to learn how to create critical messaging for different types of donors and prospects, become more comfortable (and successful) at asking, and learn how to steward your donors for the long haul, join me for my four week online Maven Class: Donor Development Strategies for Breakthrough Results starting this spring. Early-bird registration now available!
A Great Way to Use $10,000 That You Don’t Have
By Guest Maven Beth Steinhorn
As a nonprofit leader, you likely know many people who are passionate about your mission. You hopefully also know that passionate people are more likely to share their time and talent (not to mention their treasure) with your organization.
How can you best tap into that passion so that these individuals can be involved in ways that are truly helpful in addressing organizational needs?
Start by generating a list of organizational needs. What skills or talents would benefit you and your department in achieving your highest priorities?
If that question is difficult, then try this “$10,000 Question”:
Imagine that an anonymous donor just contributed $10,000 to your department for the sole purpose of hiring a part time contractor for one project or activity over the next 12 months. Whom would you hire?
Amazingly, that question really gets the ideas flowing! And, what’s more amazing is that 95% of the time, there are passionate, skilled volunteers in your world who have the skills and interest to take on one of those tasks. Furthermore, they won’t require the $10,000 – though they will require an investment of time and support in developing and nurturing a successful staff-volunteer partnership.
Here are a few roles that volunteer partners can fulfill:
- Consultant: Provide professional skills and/or content expertise
- Coach/Mentor: Share wisdom, advice, and support in a specialty area
- Trainer: Impart knowledge and understand adult learning
- Evaluator: Assess results and impact for the purpose of quality improvement
- Project Manager: Facilitate a process from beginning to end
- Team Leader: Volunteers leading volunteers and creating team culture
What type of partner could help you achieve your goals, build your capacity so your job is easier, and make a difference for your organization and community? Reimagine what partnership can look like… and the possibilities are endless.
Are you registered for our “Powerful Partnerships: Creating High Impact Staff-Volunteer Partnerships” class?
If you work with volunteers, you know that the relationship is only as good as your expectations, communications and celebrations. But how much time are you putting into making that work? Whether your answer is “not enough!” or “too much!”, this online course will help you be more strategic and thoughtful in creating mutually satisfying partnerships that last.
Classes start March 30 reserve your spot by clicking here NOW!
What Makes a True Partnership?
Partnerships between staff and volunteers have the potential to be powerful, productive, and prosperous. And, we also know that they can be taxing, tiring, and totally not worth the effort. What makes a real partnership?
A real partnership is one in which both parties bring something to table, share in the work, and make a tangible contribution to the outcome. Partnerships do not have to be 50/50 in order to be productive. There are many ways to divide and conquer the work. But, ultimately, both parties need to understand their roles, know the rules of engagement, and share the same vision for success.
Think of a project in which you partnered with someone else and it didn’t go as well as you would have liked. Whether the project failed or it was successful, but simply wasn’t an easy road to get there, chances are more than likely that one of the following vital steps was overlooked or shortchanged. Here are the three important topics to discuss and address with any potential partner before solidifying the working relationship.
- Clear Roles
- What are our primary responsibilities as a team and as individuals?
- What special skills and talents do each of us bring to the table?
- Rules of Engagement
- What is the most effective way for us to communicate?
- How often will we check in and share progress?
- How will we handle it if our agreements aren’t met?
- Vision for Success
- What is our vision for success?
- How will we measure success?
- When and how will we evaluate and learn from our successes and challenges?
- How and with whom will we share our learnings and successes?
Next time you launch a partnership, take the time to discuss and come to agreement around each of these three vital issues as part of your preparation. By addressing these, you and your partner are setting yourselves up for a successful partnership.
What’s Your Capacity for Tenacity?
When I was eight years old, my mother was interviewed on the local news in New York City for her impressive track-record of asking for – and getting – what she wanted from customer service. It didn’t matter whether it was a product, service or something else – once my mom had decided that something wasn’t quite right, she didn’t stop until she righted that wrong. And 9 times out of 10, she got what she asked for.
The word that the reporter used to describe her was “tenacious”, meaning “tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely” or “not readily relinquishing a position, principle, or course of action; determined.” She liked that word a lot. (He also described her as “comely” – meaning “pleasant to look at; attractive” – which she also appreciated.)
Whether you’re a professional or volunteer leader, being tenacious is part of the job. Sticking to a mission, a vision, a set of values or a course of action is critical to overcoming obstacles. Of course, you might need to course-correct or consider new factors as they arise in order to be context-savvy, relationship-aware, flexible and resilient, but being able to say “I said I would do it”, “I did it” and “what’s next?” are hallmarks of the kind of leader that others want to follow.
So, how tenacious are you in getting done what you’ve committed to?
Four Boundaries You Need to Set to Get Anything Accomplished
During a year-end coaching call, I was thrilled to celebrate one particular client’s 2015 victories: a long-awaited promotion, carving out more quality time on weekends to spend with his family, and a new exercise habit.
“Mazel tov!” I said to my client.
“And how do you think you did on your goal of making time for planning in your new role?”
He replied: “Yeah…that one didn’t happen.”
“Any chance,” I offered with a smile, “you mean that you didn’t do what it takes to make it happen?”
He smiled back, somewhat sheepishly. “Yes. I guess I mean that.”
“And what do you want for 2016?” I asked.
“To do what it takes rather than waiting for it to happen.” He responded.
And so we began…
Of course, as we all know, doing what it takes to set aside time for something that feels important (rather than urgent) is easier said than done. Somehow, I can always find the time to read the new Entertainment Weekly and binge-watch “Making a Murderer” and yet, finding the time I need to write my new book or get my office organized seems not to “happen”. Why? Because “hoping it will happen” won’t get it done. Making the time to do it AND setting four types of boundaries to honor that time will.
In her research paper, “Positive Psychology and Work-Life Integration: The Mutually Satisfying Relationship”, The University of Pennsylvania’s Katharine E. Comtois suggests that we need to set the following boundaries in our work and lives in order to focus on what matters most:
- Temporal – Being clear about what you will do and won’t do, and when.
- Physical – Setting a specific place and space for certain tasks and activities.
- Behavioral – Acting consistently in ways that are designed to get you what you want.
- Communicative – Letting people know your priorities and expectations, and sharing how they can help or might hinder the process.
In January 2015, I decided that I was no longer going to travel more than 25% of the time, which would effectively cut my travel schedule in half. It was something that I wanted, but wasn’t “happening”. Of course it wasn’t happening – I hadn’t set any boundaries to support it. With that aha! top of mind, here are the boundaries that I created:
- Temporal – I will be from home no more than 7 nights a month, period.
- Physical – Any activity that I could do virtually rather than in-person, I did (like webinars for teams and organizations when on-site facilitation wasn’t needed).
- Behavioral – I actively sought out work opportunities that kept me sleeping in my own bed, which lead to a great teaching gig at Wharton Business School.
- Communicative – I told my clients, “I’ve used up all of my business travel for March and April, but I can travel to you in May. Would that work for you?” (And if it didn’t, I was happy to refer someone else!)
I couldn’t be prouder of how the boundaries I set – and continue to honor. I also found that setting these boundaries felt scary (what will happen to my business? Who will I be disappointing?) and living by them feels exceptionally safe and satisfying.
Here are some questions to help you strategize how you can use boundaries to stay focused on shifting what you “hope” will happen to actually and practically making it happen:
- How can you leverage other people to support you in honoring your boundaries?
- What technology can you rely on to help you set and keep boundaries?
- What decisions do you need to make that honor your values? (These can include decisions about what to do and what to stop doing).
- What habits can you implement that make honoring your boundaries automatic?
- Where can you create a physical boundary to separate the different roles you have?
- How can you use tangible items (like different phones or email addresses) to separate your work, life, self and community domains?
- What do you need to communicate to your stakeholders to establish boundary expectations?
- What can you plan (like a massage or vacation) so that you can take a short-term break from managing boundaries?
- Where will you allow for “fuzzy” boundaries?
- How will you handle boundary violations when they occur (because they will)?
Feel free to share any responses with me at headcoach@myjewishcoach.com. I’d love to hear them!
Are you committed to make Work-Life Integration a priority for 2016? Get a head start by downloading our insightful, informative and inspirational one-hour webinar here.
Good Grief! Do you Delegate like Lucy or Charlie Brown?
I must admit that, while most of my work is cool, last week provided me with an opportunity that was cooler than cool: I was invited to facilitate a delegation workshop at 20th Century Fox’s animation studios, with the teams that are making the new Peanuts movie (in theatres November 6th, by the way). Between the production teams, and the story teams, and the animation teams, and the talent teams – they’ve got a lot to do and not a lot of time left to do it.
Good grief!
So how will they get it all done? By delegating. Which is, of course, easier said than done.
Most of us are well aware of the benefits of delegating, which include lightening your workload, developing your staff, providing opportunities for collaboration, offering your team members a sense of ownership and empowerment, giving you an emergency back-up, retaining talent, as well as growing and challenging yourself (both to take on new tasks and to learn how to “let it go”). And yet, despite the myriad benefits, many managers don’t delegate well – but when they do, their style is either too Lucy” or “too Charlie Brown. (tweet this)
What’s your delegation style?
You may be a Lucy if:
- You joke about being a “control freak” (but you know it’s not a joke).
- Everything feels urgent to you.
- You are addicted to adrenaline.
- You need to be in charge.
- You tell people not just what to do but how to do it, and don’t welcome others’ input and approaches.
- You’re deeply concerned about credit and blame.
- Your style is command and control.
You may be a Charlie Brown if:
- You find yourself mired in minutiae.
- Most of your tasks feel comfortable to you.
- You hoard work.
- You realize someone else could do it but so could you.
- You worry about being seen as dispensable.
- You don’t want to overload your team.
- You want to protect your staff from stress or failure.
- You’re worried about messing things up.
- Your style is just to do it yourself.
You may be either a Lucy OR a Charlie Brown if thinking about delegating gives you hives, sweats or stomach pains (or makes you want to cling to Linus’ blanket.) Either way, delegation is a critical competency for anyone who has too much to do and not enough time to do it (tweet this), for anyone who is charged with developing and empowering others (tweet this), and for anyone who realizes that in order to move up in the organization, they need to make sure that their current work can be done by others so that they’re not stuck doing this (whatever your “this” is) for the rest of your career (tweet this).
If you’re a Lucy, it’s time to show your team that you believe in their talents, that you can be flexible, and that you’re as committed to their development and growth as you are to getting it right. If you’re a Charlie Brown, it’s time to show your team that you value and trust them, that you’re resilient in the face of setbacks, and that you’re ready for all of you to play a bigger game – even if you need to hold on to your security blanket for a while longer.
If you or anyone on your team is wrestling with delegation, you can instantly download our online 60 minute course “Delegate without Drama” and learn the eight steps to help you start giving up a little bit of control and gaining a few more hours each week without giving up your commitment to quality
Is Your Halo Hollow?
For the past two years, if you were looking for me on weekday mornings between 8 and 9 am, you would have found me at my local CrossFit – that workout regimen that combines Olympic gymnastic and weightlifting moves and high-intensity aerobic training with weeping, grunting and collapsing. This was going to be the habit that upgraded my physique! This was going to be the new activity that changed my life for the better!
Guess what? It didn’t work – and not for the reasons you might think. It didn’t work because I misplaced my halo.
For two years, I believed that if I exercised the way that professional athletes do, I could also eat the way professional athletes do. 50 pull-ups? 100 squats? 200 sit-ups? Surely that’s a recipe for carte blanche dining, right? As it turned out, it wasn’t. I had fallen prey to a behavioral halo effect bias that was hurting me both physically (100 squats!) and emotionally (feeling stuck at the same weight).
The “halo effect” is defined as the tendency for a person’s positive or negative traits to “spill over” from one personality area to another in others’ perceptions of them. My halo effect was behavioral – I was expecting the benefits of one overwhelming positive action (intensive exercise) to spill over into another area of my life (my eating habits). I thought that if I behaved beautifully in the gym, I could misbehave at the table. So maybe I could have gotten away with it a little bit, but I couldn’t get away with it nearly as much as I told myself. And as much as I tried to right-size my portions, I couldn’t shake that “halo” feeling that I shouldn’t have to work out so hard to still eat so little.
I am not alone. Have you ever worked for a manager who believed that her intelligence and talent gave her the right to explode at her direct reports? Behavioral halo effect. Do you know a major donor who thinks that the size of his gift permits him to boss other volunteers (as well as professionals) around? Behavioral halo effect.
And how about you? Do you:
- Treat your members and customers with incredible patience at work…and then come home and blow up at your kid for leaving his shoes in the hall?
- Give your undivided personal attention to your boss but keep one eye on your cell phone when a direct report wants to talk with you?
- Attend every board meeting but cancel your supervision meetings?
- Make sure your babysitter or nanny never wants for anything, while brushing aside your spouse’s needs?
- Take care of everyone else while ignoring your own health and happiness?
If you answered yes to any of these, your halo is hollow. You’re allowing one set of positive behaviors to cast an artificial glow on others that clearly don’t deserve a spotlight. How do you fix it? Stop granting yourself permission and excuses to behave carelessly, and start giving yourself credit for the fact that you clearly have what it takes to act responsibly, considerately, and like a mensch. If you can do it somewhere, sometimes, and with some people, you can do it (almost) everywhere, every time, and with most people. Especially with and for yourself.
So how did I drop the halo and its blinding effects? I quit exercising and eating like a linebacker and started working out like someone who needed to 1) have better balance and 2) be careful about what she ate. I no longer allowed one overwhelmingly positive action to grant me permission for excess or carelessness. By dropping the halo, I raised the bar for my behavior and dropped the excuses — along with almost 25 pounds — along the way!
The Best Way to Get the Worst Results
Last weekend, in an uncharacteristic burst of energy, I decided to tackle the piles of clutter that threatened to overtake our front entrance hall and my bedroom bookcase. Despite the fact that I knew this would thrill my (orderly and neat) husband, Michael, I decided not to announce that I was going to do it. I just did it. I managed to get the many non-book stacks of stuff off of my bookshelf and into my office/bathroom/garbage without anyone noticing what I was up to. I then went to tackle the front hall, where I had dumped everything from makeup and office supplies to spare keys and headphones (so that’s where they were!) and had promptly forgotten where they were.
This was where I got careless. I stopped being so quiet. And I got caught.
“Wow,” said Michael to me, eying surfaces he hadn’t seen in weeks. “You look like you’re on a roll!”
“Yup,” I said, “I’m getting my act together.”
And that’s when Michael committed the fundamental sin that partners, parents, bosses and co-workers make every single day:
Since you’re in an organizing mood, I have a great project in the basement for you when you’re done with this.
As Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, “Big mistake. Big. HUGE!”
