deborah
A Taste of My Own Medicine
This past Monday, I had surgery. I knew it was coming – in fact, I put it off for three months so I could be with my kids during vacation, dance at my friend’s wedding, and make good on my business travel commitments. Very strategic of me, I must say. When the doctor told me to expect 1-2 weeks of recovery if there were no complications, I thought she meant for other people. I recalculated her time estimate for “Deb-Time” (which means compulsively early and lightening fast) and began scheduling phone meetings for less than 48 hours post-surgery, i.e. TODAY.
How’s that working out for me? Well, score 1 for the doctor, 0 for the coach.
Last night, amidst the joy of receiving fruit baskets, Godiva chocolates and a bag of prunes from a great friend who, shall we say, knew too well what was to come, I started cancelling my appointments. My throat was still scratchy from the breathing tube, my stomach muscles hurt too much to talk, and since many of my clients are deliciously funny, I knew that a single bout of agonizing laughter could send me back to the hospital. The immediate problem is that I didn’t give myself the time I needed to recover – despite being told by a professional who knew her stuff. The bigger problem is that I missed a fundamental strategic step in coaching that I use with my clients – and ignored with myself: Anticipating Roadblocks.
It’s all well and good to know what you want, and to develop a plan for getting there. I wanted to get back to work and figured that by booking my clients, I would have to will myself to recover faster than I might otherwise. But I forgot to ask myself the question that I would have asked any client: “what could get in the way?” For me, it was that I wouldn’t feel better in time for my appointments, and the consequence is that I have to do what I wish I didn’t have to: cancel my meetings. It would have been better to have given myself the whole week (yes, Dr. Kastner, I know — or TWO whole weeks) to renew, recharge and recover, and start fresh rather than making up for missed meetings.
So enough about me (but fruit baskets, chocolate and prunes are still welcome!): Think about a plan or process you’re getting ready to embark on. What roadblocks could get in your way? And how can you reengineer your plan to get around them, through them, over them, avoid them, or even use them to your advantage?
Keep me posted – I’m not going anywhere for a while!
To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
https://www.myjewishcoach.com/
https://myjewishcoach.com/
One Step Forward, One Step Back
When I told my kids last night that bedtime would be at 7:45 p.m. instead of 8, I received two very different reactions. Sophie, exhausted from a weekend of sleepover dates, barely nodded as she trudged up to her bunk bed. Jacob, similarly wiped out, had enough energy left to do battle. When he started to huff, stomp and get teary, I reminded him that all of these behaviors were a signs of a tired kid. With an audible “harumph!” (which I never believed was a real expression until I heard him say it), he plopped himself on his bed with his arms crossed. Michael and I went downstairs, expecting….something.
We were surprised when Jacob came downstairs twenty minutes later and handed me a note. In the note, he wrote, “I don’t want to be treated like a baby. I want to pick out my own clothes. I want a new bedtime. And I want a cell phone.” At the bottom of the note, he drew a skull and cross-bones to let us knew that he meant business, and that we were putting our very lives at risk by not taking him seriously.
Here’s what worked in Jacob’s approach:
- Taking time to cool off
- Putting his thoughts into writing rather than crying, yelling or stomping
- Making “I” statements (e.g. “I want…” rather than “You need to…”)
Here’s what didn’t:
- Laundry-bagging (listing multiple concerns at once, rather than the most timely and relevant one)
- Red herrings (that cell phone is NOT GONNA HAPPEN and he knew that!)
- Threats (his pirate scare tactics won’t work on land or at sea)
So the next time you’re steaming mad, what will you do to make sure your message is relevant AND respectful?
To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com
Dancing in the Moment
Today in Spinnning Class, I was flagging. I hurt in some unmentionable parts, I had run out of water ten sips ago, and I was fantasizing about work. Yes, work. With five minutes left, I was basically “phoning it in” with my legs and my mind. It was at that moment that our Spinning Instructor, Susan, saw that I was in need, got down off her own bike and danced a jitterbug right in front of me. She shamelessly shook her hips until she shook me right out of my complacency – and I began to recommit to the end of the ride.
Just what I needed when I needed it – a hearty dose of energy, enthusiasm, and encouragement.
While my dancing is worse than my spinning, I realized in that moment that what Sue did for me, I do for my coaching clients. Whether they need a jitterbug to get them excited and moving, a two-step to get them on a strategic plan, or a square dance to help them bring in necessary partners, I dance in the moment with each and every client.
What kind of dance do you need to get moving?
To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com
Get out the Guilt!
There was the guilt for leaving on a business trip to a warm climate while my family freezes back in New York. Then there was the guilt for missing Sophie’s swim meet and Jacob’s basketball game, and for leaving my husband Michael to spend the weekend driving from end to end of Nassau County between the two. But stepping on and breaking Michael’s toe 24 hours before bailing on everyone? Now THAT’S GUILT!!! (Sorry honey!).
As my guilty stew continued to boil, I began to think of all the OTHER things that I feel guilty about. I simply do not have enough time, energy or finger-power to type them all here – BUT one thing that did pop up for me was that I felt guilty for letting my blog lie fallow – for more than a year.
Now THIS I can do something about! So here I am – hineni.
Let’s get some coaching around guilt, shall we? (And trust me, I need it, too).
What does feeling guilty get you?
What does feeling guilty cost you?
Whose voice – other than your own – do you hear in the guilt? What strikes you about that?
When the guilty voice pops up, what could you say directly to it?
When will you tell it to pipe down?
What’s ONE thing you can get off your guilt list TODAY – by deciding to take care of it, skip it, or something else?
So here’s mine: I feel good that I’m blogging today. I may not blog again until 2011. And I’m cool with that.
Let me know about yours!
To Your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com
Rewrite Your Resume and Get Real Results!
Rewrite Your Resume and Get Real Results!
With Resume Guru Leslie Bobrowsky
30 Minute Laser Teleclass
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
1 pm Eastern/10 am Pacific
Cost – FREE!
Good news — you’ve found a great job listing! Or is it bad news because you have to update your resume – or even write it from scratch? Don’t worry! Once you know key guidelines for creating a resume that will get read, you can refine or recreate your resume successfully. In this information-packed, practical teleclass, resume guru Leslie Bobrowsky of Specialty Training Services Inc. will explain easy ways to refresh and energize your resume including how to:
- Increase the chance that your resume gets noticed.
- Determine what to include and what to omit.
- Write dynamic content that demonstrates your value.
- Choose the best format and organization of material.
- Craft a pertinent job objective and a key skills list.
You’ll learn the five big Do’s and five big Don’ts. And, you’ll discover how to transform your resume into an effective sales tool.
Email me to get the call-in information for this FREE session.
Leslie Bobrowsky, President of Specialty Training Services, Inc., is a communication skills and selling skills consultant. Prior to founding her firm 20 years ago, she hired part-time consultants for a consulting firm, sold training programs, and taught résumé writing and job search skills for Federal government agencies. She’s seen a lot of résumés. Privately, her clients have always sought her help with their résumés, and she now combines expertise in business writing and selling to provide résumé renovation services. Visit her at www.specialtytraining.com.
Looking forward to seeing you on the call!
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
Stop Showing Me How Smart You Are
If you don’t know Marshall Goldsmith, you ought to.
Business coach to the stars and author of one of my favorite books, “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There” Goldsmith is the brains behind one of my favorite pieces of coaching advice for managers: Stop adding value.
Wha? Isn’t that what they pay you for? To add value? Yes — but not at the expense of your direct reports’ commitment to execution.
Goldsmith gives this scenario: Imagine that your staffer comes to you, brimming with excitement (it could happen!) about a great idea she has. As her manager, you recognize that the idea is good (maybe a 75 out of 100) — but YOU could make it great! So you add value (advice, tweaks, resources, suggestions, etc.), and in doing so, you take a 75 idea to an 80 BUT YOU CUT HER COMMITMENT TO EXECUTION BY 50%! Why? Because it is no longer HER idea — it’s yours.
Was it worth it?
The book certainly is.
And for those of you who like FREE, you can download and share lots of Goldsmith’s stuff by visiting his library.
Happy holiday reading!
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
Great Question #2 from a Strategic Planning Session
So, when we last left off, our question was “Is it sustainable”?…
What an ironic question. Every time I sit down to blog, I tell myself “Keep going! Don’t quit! Do another one tomorrow.” And alas, now three weeks after the last blog post I realize that blogging is only sustainable for me if I commit to doing it by scheduling it into my calendar.
So enough about me: Here’s the second great question:
“Does it add value?”
I mean, think about it: What’s the point in doing something sustainable (“Yes, we can keep doing this!”) if it doesn’t add value (“But who cares if we do or we don’t?”)
Think about something you are doing at work. For example, you say, yes, we’ve committed to holding Monday morning staff meetings (sustainable). But how are you adding value by doing that? What objectives are you achieving — or even more pointedly — what objectives are you achieving in your regular Monday morning staff meetings that could not be achieved any other way?
Before you add anything else to your to do list, run what you currently have listed through the two questions: Is it sustainable? Does it add value?
Then, see what you can eliminate before you add more.
And keep me in the loop!
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
headcoach@myjewishcoach.com
Great Question #1 from a Strategic Planning Session
Ah…back on the road again after being home for the entire month of October (thanks, Jewish holidays!)
As I was facilitating a strategic planning session for a Jewish group, one member posed a terrific question about how the group would vet its activities: “How do we make sure our efforts are sustainable?”
I often use this question with coaching clients as well – clients who are looking to make a significant change in behavior or activities (such as lose weight, network more, etc.) If you can get past the hurdle of starting something, your next hurdle is likely to be the sustainability of the process. How long can you do what you’re doing? What do you need to consider or adjust in order to keep it going?
Is eating only salads sustainable? How about skipping all desserts? How long will this last?
But of course, this isn’t the only great question…
Tune in for the second part!
Deborah Grayson Riegel
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com
Whose Brain Are You Using?
Last Friday, the kids and I went to a kindergarten graduation party (my kids were the “elderstatesmen” as first graders!). In addition to sno-cones, face-painting and goldfish give-aways (thanks a lot!!!), the kids had the opportunity to guess how many pieces of gum were in the Double Bubble container from Costco. Jacob guessed 200, and Sophie asked me to guess for her, so I said 150.
Well, lo and behold, Jacob won the entire tub, which had 250 pieces! Since we had come to the party on bikes, I had to strap the tub to the back of my bike with bungee cords. On our ride home, Sophie was bemoaning her rare loss of a contest. And while she didn’t blame me (exactly), she did proclaim: “I should have used my own brain!”
In coaching, I often ask my clients whose voices they hear when thinking about what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do. Many times, it’s the voice of a parent, a supervisor, a friend, a spouse, etc. — rather than their own — which makes the decision about how to progress a noisy one. We work to clear out the clutter of other people’s voices so that the client can hear their own thinking, loud and clear,
So in honor of Sophie, I ask you to think about this when facing your next set of “shoulds”: Whose brain are you using?
Deborah Grayson Riegel
www.myjewishcoach.com
Quiz: Are You Sabotaging Yourself?
Habitual lateness. Extreme disorganization. Not following up sales leads. Self-sabotage takes on a variety of guises and affects people of all ages, professions and economic levels. But it always leads to our not living the life we want for ourselves. Take this Self-Quiz to see whether you might be working against yourself in some areas.
1. It takes me at least a half hour to locate a document I need to send to someone.
2. I can be indecisive and fearful; as a result, chances often pass me by.
3. I tend to start projects with great gusto, but have great difficulty finishing them.
4. My financial situation is chronically chaotic.
5. My actions often jeopardize my relationships, my job and/or my financial stability.
6. I worry a lot about what others think of me.
7. I tend to give in to compulsive behaviors to overeat or partake excessively of unhealthy substances or activities.
8. I seem to be always struggling.
9. I’ve been told I have a problem expressing anger appropriately.
10. I often put off the things I need and want to do. Procrastination and reliability are problems for me.
11. I’m still not living the life I truly want, and I’m starting to lose hope that I ever will.
12. When I really want to do something, I frequently have the thought that I can’t or shouldn’t do it.
13. My relationships tend to eventually fall apart, or I stay in unhealthy relationships.
14. When I think about working out, I immediately start thinking about all the other things I “should” be doing instead. Exercise rarely wins.
15. I’m often late to work and late with assignments; this has hurt my career.
16. I avoid confrontation and/or fawn over others in order to be liked and win their favor.
17. I repeatedly make self-deprecating, belittling comments about myself.
18. I know I have the potential to do more with my life, if I could just get out of my own way.
Self-defeating behaviors often mask a fear of change and growing; when we deliberately hamper our own efforts, we get to avoid the knowledge that our life is up to us, and that we do, indeed, get to choose. Just imagine the life we could be having if we put as much energy and creativity into manifesting our goals as we do avoiding them. It’s not easy to change self-sabotaging patterns, but with time and practice—and a good dose of self-love—it is possible to end a self-defeating cycle and live the life we truly want for ourselves.
Deborah Grayson Riegel, MSW, ACC
www.myjewishcoach.com
